{Warning: This may be the most personal and perhaps downer post you may read from me yet.}
I am in a major life struggle right now.
I am not feeling any contentment with my job and it's beginning to bleed into other areas of my life. The midday escapades are making it more bearable, but they are so temporary. My mind is screaming QUIT that darn job and finally become the WAHM you want and need to be!
I realize that I am very blessed to have a loving husband whom I firmly believe is my soul mate and two amazing children. I also have a good paying job with great medical benefits. BUT. The desk jockey work is just sucking the life out of me. Life is soooooooooooooooooooooo short and I feel like I am wasting away inside of an office.
I've had the resignation letter written for the past year. I can't bring myself to hand it in. You see, we need both mine and Mr. Escapades steady incomes to keep the household running.
What makes it even more complicated is that I am unsure whether there may be an underlying reason for these feelings. Why is so freakin' hard to decipher if the emotions are just that or if my mind is prompting me with all its might to choose another course. I could also just be overreacting or impatient, or maybe I'll never be satisfied.
The thought of staying in this job, even for a few more years until the boys go off to college, is making me want to curl up in a fetal position and suck my thumb right now. However, the unknown alternative is very frightening to me, too. What's even scarier is that I never used to get this worked up about change. I was always the one to make the jump without hesitation.
Deep down, I do believe that change is inevitable and most of the time for the better. Inquiring minds want to know: Have you changed courses in your lifetime?
I am in a major life struggle right now.
I am not feeling any contentment with my job and it's beginning to bleed into other areas of my life. The midday escapades are making it more bearable, but they are so temporary. My mind is screaming QUIT that darn job and finally become the WAHM you want and need to be!
I realize that I am very blessed to have a loving husband whom I firmly believe is my soul mate and two amazing children. I also have a good paying job with great medical benefits. BUT. The desk jockey work is just sucking the life out of me. Life is soooooooooooooooooooooo short and I feel like I am wasting away inside of an office.
I've had the resignation letter written for the past year. I can't bring myself to hand it in. You see, we need both mine and Mr. Escapades steady incomes to keep the household running.
What makes it even more complicated is that I am unsure whether there may be an underlying reason for these feelings. Why is so freakin' hard to decipher if the emotions are just that or if my mind is prompting me with all its might to choose another course. I could also just be overreacting or impatient, or maybe I'll never be satisfied.
The thought of staying in this job, even for a few more years until the boys go off to college, is making me want to curl up in a fetal position and suck my thumb right now. However, the unknown alternative is very frightening to me, too. What's even scarier is that I never used to get this worked up about change. I was always the one to make the jump without hesitation.
Deep down, I do believe that change is inevitable and most of the time for the better. Inquiring minds want to know: Have you changed courses in your lifetime?
Happy life changes!
Subscribe to Midday Escapades via Reader or Email to get daily updates. You can also follow Midday Escapades on Twitter.
![[image credit]](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZjIX-9oqnJI/SB8DyhU5cPI/AAAAAAAAAB4/RjPxfpwtgo4/s400/fork+in+the+road4.jpg){kind=link}
![[image credit]](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_12ctaYvmMfA/Sz4aPlL7HJI/AAAAAAAADtw/4q2-MXfd-ec/s400/leap+of+faith.jpg){kind=link}
53 BRILLIANT COMMENTS:
My husband is kind of in the same place. He is no longer happy with his job, but is still there out of necessity. I was climbing my way up the ladder at my job, but when I was pregnant with our second child I gave it up to be at home with the kids. It was a difficult choice to make, but I'll take family over the extra money any day.
I hope you are able to find something you love doing and be happy doing it!
WEll you want to work at home why not start putting out feelers for possible jobs that can replace the income you are making now from home.. Check out different companies and openings, look into the papers IRL and online.. Make a PLAN and set it in motion. That way you can be prepared to do without your income. Staying somewhere you feel that miserable only makes one sicker. Period.. IF you want it bad enough you will find a way to make it.. corners may have to be cut but your happiness is worth it. Besides your kids could qualify for scholarships and Pell grants which are both money for college you don't have to repay..
I had a job like that once. I absolutely hated it. But in retrospect, I was also suffering from pretty severe depression and an eating disorder at the time. I think that may have clouded my thinking.
Also, there seems to be a lot of reassessing of one's life out in the blogosphere. I so wish I could write about what I, personally, am going through but my children read my blog so I don't have that outlet. (yesterday's haiku was a big hint)
No one should be that miserable. Is there something that you could do from home? (if so, let me in on that!)
I've changed major directions several times. It's scary, but has been what is best for my family.
I had a pretty great career before I got married. In fact, it was pretty awesome! I gave it up to move to Denver to be with my hubby. I questioned my decision for a while, but after my son arrived, I knew it was totally worth it!
With the economy in such a mess, it wold be hard to give up a good paying job...even if you hate it.
When we are younger, we would change jobs in a heartbeat. As we get older, the repsnsibilities in our lives take over the spontaneity(Sp?).
Maybe work towrds a 2 year goal of starting your own business. A strategy to allow the mental freedom to know there IS light at the end of the tunnell, and stick it out there as you get all your pieces in place to work at what you like. This will allow you your income until the boys go off to college and a mental relief knowing that you are going to be out of there!
I have had jobs that I just filled with dread as I walked in the door. I have also had jobs that I just loved. I have not had a job for quite some time now and the economy is preventing that from changing.
Best wishes to you!
http://christiecottage.blogspot.com
It is so hard to struggle with something that is such an important factor in your life. After my daughter was about 20 months I was able to quit and work very part time from home. After my son was born I quit entirely. I HATED my job, hated sitting all day hated dealing with salespeople and politics and paperwork. I was so happy to not have to go back.
But now, sometimes, I miss it all.
I don't know if we can ever truly be happy with our decisions. I think we are always wondering about the other shoe.
Could you try to find another job?? Is that at all realistic?
I've changed directions so many times I've lost count. I recently read a book called "Making Work Work for the Highly Sensitive Person" and it helped me to understand my career history and my feeling towards work a bit better. I am in the midst of yet another change, but hopeful that someday soon I will find a place to stay for awhile. I agree with the other commenters who advised to start taking steps towards something new, even if they're baby steps. I've found that I always feel better when I have a plan, even if I haven't put it into action yet. Good luck!
You only have a few more years with your sons at home. I wouldn't waste that being in a job that makes me unhappy. I used to be a teacher and I hated it. I'm a nanny now. Much happier. Less money, but happier. You only live once. There's no time to be unhappy.
Change can be a scary thing. When I quit my job I knew it was for the best, but it was still scary.
I agree with the other commenters to try and take steps towards doing something new. Even if it means you have to stick it out at your current job for a little while longer, it might end up working out for the best.
Good luck with what you choose to do.
Change is scary. Especcially when it comes to something as important as work. Good luck with your decision!
I feel for you, I honestly do. I am in the same boat. I love my job and all but you are totally right, life is WAY too short. Do what makes YOU happy. God will take care of the rest.
xoxo
Danielle
Lynn, this is probably one of the hardest things that you will ever do. I've changed course of directions many times. Usually for the betterment of the family but not always. My husband is usually very supportive but we both know as lately not so much.
Set up a plan. Call around to local businesses even check with your current company they might have something that you can do at home. They do know who you are and it might bring something to the forefront. You don't have to tell them that you are leaving just that you would like to work from home and see where it goes.
There are companies that you can work for at home as well. Harder to find the good ones but they are out there. I think if you feel better prepared to go home that it will make it a lot easier.
I can't do a job that I'm not happy with so do what makes you happy.
Btw, my site is down now. I'll email you in a little bit.
Tami
I went through this at the ripe old ge of 25. I had been at my job for 5 1/2 years (and was actually really good at it) but I hated it. I cried on every lunch break, every evening and sometimes during the work day just because I didn't want to be there. My husband was/is a graphic designer & web designer with his own (struggling) business and mine was the main income. Luckily for me we have no kids, and had recently moved into a semi-detached dwelling that my parents own (so I knew if I couldn't make rent they wouldn't kick us out). It's been 2 1/2 years and although it's been a struggle (my husband got very ill 1 week after i left my job & medical plan and we went through $1500 in a matter of two weeks on drugs alone) I am three thousand percent happier now than I was then.
You have to follow your heart, if you do good things will come you way. I truly believe that.
I made a decision that altered my life when I was 33. I happened to take a course that talked about risk taking. What I learned was to ask yourself 3 questions...
1. What's the worst thing that could happen if I do this?
2. Could I live with that?
3. Would I be happier than I am now?
I used these questions, made the change (it was to file for a divorce), and my life is a million times better! Maybe looking at your decision that way would help...
I quit a job, my first outside of college. My boss and I didn't get along and he made my life miserable. (Long story.) I did hand in my 2 weeks notice. I guess because I was young, and not making much as a reporter anyway, that I figured I could always make money in other jobs.
My other course change as to become a stay at home mom after working from the age of 18 through 36. That was the hardest transition. But I also went from career to stay at home, from single to married, from single parent to married parent, from metropolitan area to town with one traffic light, from friends to no friends and from not pregnant to pregnant...all in one day.
;-)
I've changed courses before - more than once. The most dramatic was probably quitting a full-time job where I still qualified for welfare. I was so stressed out that I lost 10 pounds in a week and was sick a lot. I did nothing but yell at my daughter night and day. That began my working from home and that was about 14 years ago. I've help a magazine job since then, but I'm most able to cope with life (and three more children!) by working from home.
It makes it a little difficult given the fact that I just went through a divorce, but I am working hard to make this work. I would suggest doing your best to find an hour or two each night to work on the dream of WAHM to make at least enough money that there won't be such a dramatic financial change in the home and then go for it.
You're right, you only live once and putting off your dreams isn't going to make you or your children/family happy. Other than that, find a way to make the job the means to your WAHM goals. Saving money for supplies, saving more money for an emergency or whatever number of things you think you'll need when you work from home. Making connections and determining interest in what you do... there are many networking opportunities related to working from home while working in office.
I can totally understand where you are and wish you a lot of luck - and peace - in getting to that place of contentment.
Hi Lynn,
I know how you feel! Life is so short but....
You know that we have moved our family (with 10 children) to west Tx to start a vineyard - leaving a well paying job and stepping out for a major life change. Our house still hasn't sold and, well, it is difficult! But, despite all the circumstances, it has been a wonderful move for our family.
My husband is so happy (me too) and the children love working with him in the vineyard. Take a look at your budget if you are really serious and think about what you can live without - how much is staying at home worth? I just disconnected our cell phones! For us, we have given up much but have gained so much more in family relationships and the dream of a family business! Sometimes what we think are "needs" are really just "wants".
Wow, you are at a crossroads!
Maybe look at quitting from a financial stand point. How much money is your job costing you? i.e., travel, parking, lunch, convenience foods (since you probably don't have time to cook)!
I quit my job as a nurse a little more than a year ago to stay home. So happy I did. AND I LOVED THAT JOB!
Make the decision, rol with it and find a new one if it doesn't work out.
Good luck and keep us posted!
I read what you wrote and feel that so many of us have found ourselves in that position. For me I worked so hard and spent so much money to be a teacher, get my seniority, get my masters, and then I stopped. I am still paying my school loans, but I don't work. I LOVED my job, but didn't want to miss my kids growing up (I put in long hours). SO I took a leap. I stay at home and my hubby works. We would have more money if I worked and i worked hard to get where I was. For me I feel that life is short, our kids are only small for so long, you don't know what tomorrow brings, I don't want to look back at my life with any regrets. I may be broke and things are tight, but I am happy. I am with my kids, I am enjoying them growing up, I am enjoying life now. Once my kids grow up and out I can and will go back to work, have more money, etc. But these days are PRICELESS. It is hard to make a huge leap and stop working when you count on your income to make ends meet, but what is more important. Your happiness (if you are not happy then it starts to effect others around you) is such a treasure. For me what I did was evaluated how can we make this work where I am happy and we can afford this. Then I did it. Didn't look back. Sometimes we have to jump.I wish you the best and know that your heart will lead you to do what you feel is right and in the long run makes you happy. Best wishes, Cindi
I am so sad to hear this from you. It is hard to find a job where you can be fulfilled or find contentment. We have been through this before, and it is not easy, as you know...
I have changed courses many times in my life, but have never had the extra pressure of needing that full income for the household...but you never know when things are going to change.
I want to be able to say...do it! Follow you heart and your dreams, but I am oh so practical too...oh the dilemma!
I have no advice for you other than to say pray, pray, pray about it! God will guide your decision. A long time ago, I did leave a job that was sucking the life out of me. I was unemployed for 5 months- scary and confusing, but really gave me a great spring board to trust in God and his path for me. I'm not made to sit in an office all day either, so I completely understand!
My husband's old job gave him a tiny little itty bitty heat attack, which landed him in the ER. Since then, he no longer works because he likes the money he makes, but because he loves what he does. He has long switched jobs and loves it.
A major change is so hard. Not knowing what the alternative is is even harder. I feel for you. And your post wasn't a downer - it was heartfelt. :)
Changes are always hard and more difficult is not to have a solution.
Put the letter in an email and push SEND. That way it's out there. No take backs. :)
I made a lifes change a couple times. Once going from office work to raise my first born....I was gonna stay home for a year or so. (that has now lasted 19 years, lol)
In that time my husband and I have started 3 businesses and run them all from our home. Sometimes it's great, sometimes not. But we're happy. And at my age....happiness is better than confusion.
QUIT THAT JOB!
My life has been a series of very large jumps into the unknown.
I can't say any of them were the wrong decision. Every one of them brought me closer to the person I am today.
I may not have always looked before I leapt...but I always landed with 2 feet on the ground.
This was like reading my own story a few years ago. I have been there and it is a difficult decision but in the end--you have to do what is best for you. Best wishes!
Lynn,
You are definitely at a point where you may have to choose which path to take...I admire you and I know you'll figure it out soon. We are here if you need to vent.
I wish I could tell you to quit, but I understand the two income thing. My husband is in the same situation as you and is currently looking for another job. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck!
My hubby hates his job and wants to find another one ASAP, but is there anything available right now? I don't know!
I on the other hand, I know the stress you feel. I am in a spot in my life where it is complete uncertainty.
good luck:)
I think you should do what is right for you. I mean if your husband says it is okay to leave then you should. I was in a job once and boy it went all wrong. I cried a lot and got so sick and stress. It was bad. I left that job and went on to another one. Telling myself I would never do that again. Well when I was PG with my little one the same thing happen. To me. I had to wait until my little one was born because of the insurance and then I left. I was so happy. I still know people that work there and they are not happy. I saw do what you want and if you do leave go find something fun if you still want to work. Have a great day.. Hugs..
follow your gut, do what you love and the money will follow. xoxo
I am so with you. I only have one, a 9-month-old, but I really am torn. We need my income to buy a house... and I really love my job, I just hate that my attention is so divided.
GOod Luck...
I was laid off from a job last May that was making me miserable. I had so much negative energy leaving there. But guess what? Eight months later they offered me my job back and I took it, and I'm happier now. My time off allowed me to search for alternatives as well as myself. I think I found myself and discovered value in my office job. Maybe you just need a little time off to refocus. Best wishes!
Last time this year we packed up and moved our family, took a leap of faith in my husbands job and have been very blessed in our decision.
I am sorry that you feel so depressed about your job right now. I hope that with your families support you are able to figure out a way to feel fulfilled without compromising your families livelihood.
Felissa
First, I want to give you {{hugs}} and lots and lots of them. I am so sorry you are going through this struggle right now. It's so hard to know what you want and yet it can be the hardest choice.
I did make a big career change. I was in the Air Force for 6 1/2 years when I found out that I was finally pregnant with Isabella. Leo and I made a choice and that choice was for me to get out at 7 years. It was hard. So, so hard to come up with that choice. We've had to make some lifestyle changes. But it's all worked out. For the better! We pay our mortgage, we just bought a new car, I can still get my hair done :) So we manage and we're now used to it.
I hope you do what your heart is telling you, hun. Sit down with your husband {or on your own} and list out your expenses. See what can be sacrificed and what must stay. Thinking of you, hun. And email me anytime you need to talk/cry/yell, whatever :) I'm here for you.
xoxo
Hey Lynn, been there done that but change is so hard. Being miserable is worse. I don't know what to really tell you. Pray a bunch, try and find some peace and go from there.
I love my job doing daycare but with one family I am not making it and with Jim in a family owned business that pay isn't the greatest either.
When I started my DC I turned it over to the Lord. I knew this is where he wanted me to be and if he still wants me to continue on he will provide. It's is so hard just letting him take care of it all. About 3 years ago I was in this boat, a sinking one, but he brought me the family that is now my main family so I am positive he'll do it again. In my heart of hearts I know this is the right time and place for me to be in but once in awhile my mind starts going and wondering.
So trust your heart, pray a bunch and see what happens. It is no fun being miserable. Maybe for now just keep plugging along but put out some feelers, do some asking around and get your resume up to date. You just never know when the Lord will open the next door for you.
Take care and have a good night. God Bless you my friend.
Aw, Lynn, those feelings just plain suck-I know that I'm not exactly in the SAME position, but I'm in something similar to where I'm not happy with where I am in life either.
The thing that I've learned is, yes, life is too short. Things happen. Change is inevitable.
What I've also learned that is more important then ANY of those things is you have to take care of yourself, first and foremost. If your not happy, find a way to remedy the situation.
Maybe talk it over with Mr. Escapades and see what the alternatives are. Maybe even keep out for other jobs you might like.
Remember, if you need to talk things out or just need moral support, I'm your girl :)
I've definitely been there! I hate to hear about you feeling that way, but you're clever and wise, so I know you'll figure out the right way to go.
Lynn, I am sorry you are having a hard time right now. I pray you find peace with your decision. You are right life is so short to be unhappy. I hope you can find something to do at home to make money. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I agree with Holly.
I think you will figure it out, but I also agree with Mary.
Go find a quiet place to contemplate the pros and cons, but also listen to what is going on with in yourself. You will have the answer!
I feel for you. I am retired now and spent most of my working years trying to escape from the job I was educated for. I always went back to it because it was the best pay and the most flexible hours.
Do I regret not getting out and staying out of it? Not really. I am a master of all trades type and what seems to work better was to work with the job to make it a better fit.
I realize your situation is likely different from mine. I wonder that you have hesitated for the year to resign. It makes me think maybe there is something else to look at here. Have you had that experience where what you think is the issue isn't what needs fixing? I have.
One year I quadrupled my income. I did it by a combination of things, started tithing to the source of my spiritual teachings was one.
Another was to use a personal affirmation about money that came to me in a closed eye process. I remember going into the process thinking, this is easy. I know what my abundance affirmation will be - work till I drop, work till I can't any more. Was I surprised when what came forward for me was "I am taking time for myself to love and be loved." I hesitated to share in case people might not realize their personal affirmation will likely be different and probably equally effective for them.
I've been wanting to figure out how to put audio on my blog and create a closed eye process for finding one's abundance affirmation. If you are interested, I will see what I can work up.
XD
PS I'm a Friday follower and so far I don't know how to put the FF link on wordpress. I requested Wordpress for Dummies from my library.
I'd like to say a BIG thank you to all who have took the time comment and give me some advice.
I think I have known all along what needs to be done and just needed that little nudge.
I will be personally responding by email to each of you and if you don't have email in your profiles, I will visit your blogs. Thank you again and I'll keep ya'll posted!
My last job that I worked at was for 7 years. And I liked the job, but there where issues with some of the people there. I finally quit and it was the happiest day of my life.
Except now I am trying to find a part time job, and it isn't easy right now to find one.
Good luck with whatever you decide. Hope it all works out for you :)
I really hope you get it figured out! I'm afraid I myself will be heading back into the work force before long. :(
I've changed direction several times.... but it's never felt risky
Is it possible you could find another 'regular' job that you'd enjoy more, but which would still have stability, until you feel comfortable enough to work from home? Good luck!
Hi Lynn! I'm from Friday Follow. I've been loving your blog for some time, though. I recently did your "what I learned in 2009" post, and loved it.
I saw this post and just had to read. Let me just say that I know EXACTLY how you feel! Finally, another blogger out there who has to deal with the pressures of working full time when all you really want is to just be a stay at home mom.
I get really overwhelmed and frustrated...and, sadly, bitter...when I see all these other stay at home moms being able to do what they love every single day.
My husband is self-employed and income is very unstable & unpredictable. My income is the only steady income we have, even though it's not much.
I feel you - depression, purposelessness, hopelessness, despair - it's so difficult. I'll be praying for you...
Sometimes it's good to be the one who comes late to the party. By being near the bottom of the list, I had the opportunity to read so many comments from the caring people who came before me. Seems like many of us are staying at jobs we hate because of the responsibility we feel. Can't it be something more simple - care enough about yourself to find what you love and what makes you happy -then figure out a way to make it work? I think Dimes2Vines has it right - if we don't spend the little time we have with the people who matter most to us - what are we doing? Here's an old saying I like: If Mama ain't happy - ain't nobody happy!
I am having to make some life changes myself. I am now following you due to FF.
http://dddesigns-daintydecker.blogspot.com/
http://daintydeckerdesigns.blogspot.com/
http://daintyspersonalblog.blogspot.com/
Hi Lynn -
I am from Follow Friday. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I don't like my job, but my husband was laid off a year ago. We need the medical benefits. It is hard, but I try to look at the bright side and just keep plugging along hoping my husband lands a job soon. I am not sure how old you are, but my children are older, one still in college and the other graduated already. If I were younger I might want to change my direction. Good Luck with whatever you end up doing. Being unhappy is not a way to live.
Diane @ InMyOwnStyle
Hi Sweetie! I thought of you when I saw this giveaway
http://susanheim.blogspot.com/2010/01/find-your-dream-job-with-conversations.html#comment-form
"Find Your Dream Job"
Post a Comment